Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in relientk_gurl's LiveJournal:

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Thursday, June 15th, 2006
3:22 pm	privacy is a privalage i must never have So since the end of my 8th grade year i have been stuck at Plianfeild Apartments, lived with the Minks, & Lived with the Hubbards, so i had no privacy...No room for about a year. Now that i have a room...i have to share it again with my cousins. Yes that is right they are living with me for the rest of the summer. My room is always a mess, for those that dont know me, i hate messy rooms. I even go to my friends house and clean...how lame! well n e who they are always eating in my room. yes i have white carpet. and yes they lie about it. I come home from work and find cany wrappers and shit in my room and they say oh we ate it in the hallways and threw our trash in your room. and half the time they go in there when im in there eating n i tell them to leave n they are like in a minute and then i have to yell! i have been yelling all day cause they wont listen! ugh! i have to go cook dinner for the babies because they r complaining that they're hungry n cant cook...maybe im not over the whole depressing stage yet....(see myspace blog) *smooches*jessica*smooches* Current Mood: pissed off Current Music: loud annoying cousins (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 6th, 2006
5:17 pm	Sometimes it feels like no one wants me happy I AM REALlY HATING THIS MOVE! Why would my parents do this to me, they could at least let me drive back and forh to NP.....but it is exspensive for gas. GR! I hate the summer, cuz i never see Garrett, and when i try to visit a friend, he is like 'can i go to, i havnt seen you in forever'. I know he isnt try to interfear with me and my friends, and that he just wants to be with me, thats accually awesome, but he is right....he is my boyfriend and i cant go 2 weeks without seeing him (i go to a persons house once a week) Not that he dosnt want me to be happy n have my space with my friends, but it not fair...is n e thing. David (Garretts "best friend") has been trying to get us to break up for about a month now, he is always telling Garrett "Jessica is not worth it" and "blah blah blah" GRRRR! Garrett tells him he doesnt understand...but i think he does....no i know he does. one of Davids best friends (desiree) Told me that he told her that he likes me, but has been telling Garrett he dosnt like me. So Desiree was like "the only reason David is trying to break you guys up, is so he has a chance with you" WHY IN THE F*****G WORLD WOULD I GO OUT WITH SOMEONE WHO IS TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE!? Thats real great! Ruin 2 lives to make one happy! PEOPLE THESE DAYS! Then there is this kid i work with who likes me (no im not a man magnet.....i really wish though) But he is a player, and he has dated almost every girl he has worked with...even Annie.....so i'm staying away from him! loser. Anyways, so i have 4 guys who like me, but only one i love (hopefully) Theres A.) Garrett-total awesomeness B.)David-a life ruiner C.)Bo-a Player D.)Paul-Fat Perverted Irish Guy What luck i have with guys liking me........... :( So im really excited to go to holliday world with one of my best friedns....LAURA!!!!! (Yes majiors) how many times am i going to put an "i" in lauras last name, i guess once more for old times sakes.... im going to go visit Tiffany.,... much luv, Jessica (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 2nd, 2006
8:59 pm	I went out today with my friends. I had alot of fun. Me and Beth took Tiffany up to KFC so Tiffany could put in an application and work with us...YAY! and then Beth bought all of us Taco Bell, and then we went to the dollar store and played with all the little kid stuff, and Beth was playing with a pen and right when i told her that she was gonna break it, it snapped in half. it was so funny. and i bought Me and Beth Tiarras and Tiffany bought her and her sister Tiarras and we are going to wear them tomorrow. Tiffany and me are gonna wear blue skirts over our jean tomorrow, to be original. I havnt been wearing skirts over my jeans because i dont really feel like hearing ppl bitch at me because im different, but i got to thinking....who cares. If i really dont care what ppl think then i would wear a skirt over my jeans, and hold my head high, as i walk by em'. I havnt been happy with Garrett latly. I dont know why. He hasnt done n e thing wrong...besides the fact i ask him to stop doing something, like being so touchy feely, and he does it any way. It has gotten to the point to wear it feels like he doesnt care what I wnat, its all what he wants.He tells me he will try to stop, But i doubt he is trying. I try to talk to him and it works for about a couple days then he is touchy feely again. I love him to death, but i would like to do something like talk instead of him telling me how sexy i am and how much he loves me and him hugging me and kissing me every waking moment i see him. I HATE IT! I tell him that everyday it seems like. And he doesnt listen. I cant break up with him, im to much in love with him, but i am about ready to kill him. I have been thinking about going on a break...but that would kill me just not TALKING to him. Which sometimes he does talk to me, and i love it. Dont get me wrong i like it when he hugs me and tells my im pretty, and tells me he loves me, but when that is all i hear is that mushy crapy...I get so annoyed. I dont know what to do, besides yell at him and if it doesnt work then, take a break. hmmm, i dunno. well i think im going to get off. *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: n/a (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 30th, 2006
9:04 pm	Home-sick, when Im never going home Im so sick and tired of Cloverdale. I hate the people, I hate the school, and i hate the food. (not that that matters...lol) but still. I have been depressed all weekend! I cried, slept, and ate all weekend. Besides work. The only place to get things off my mind. Which was really fun last night. but n e ways. Garrett told me that one of his friends that was a girl, told him that i was talking bad about him behind his back, and she keeps telling him how much she hates me because im too happy and nice, and it reminds her of a cheerleader. how retarded can someone get? seriously? I got yelled at for wearing a batman shirt, by a retard that reads video-game guids during class. And i get called a moron by a cheerleader because i was being sarcastic, and she didnt catch on. Cloverdale needs to GROW UP! They need to except the fact that there are going to people that is different. What fun would it be for everyone to be the same? and no matter what you do, or how you do it...you will get made fun of. Wether your a bitchy cheerleader, or the biggest loser on earth. of coarse the loser will get it worse, thats the 20th century. i want to go home. I want to be with my friends that like me the way i am...well loves me the way i am. The only thing not keeping me from breaking down (which i have siad it more than once, but i will say it again) is Garrett and the few really awesome friends i have. Why did this happen to me? Why am i always the one who has bad luck? having an (sometimes) abusive dad, a mom who wont leave him, a selfish lazy sister, and i move away from the only good thing i had. Why did the one thing i have get taken away from me. and now, im always depressed. ALWAYS! I am never depressed. NEVER! I never really expirenced depression till now. And it hit me hard. and to top it all off i have had a cold for the past bazillion years. plus a head-ache that comes back within an hour after it goes away, and i cant sleep at night, i can during the day, especially in class, but im up practically all night. Can i please be woken up from this nightmare? I think i need to get out. Im working all the time or im laying around at home, because i have no friends that i can just get on my bike and go bikeriding with, or friends that will come over to play baseball, or act stupid and prank call people...with my friends n their mom! or go 2 houses down and swim with basically my little sisters. I cant even have their company. I miss it, you know sitting on my couch, and all the sudden 2 little girls walk through my door asking "you wanna play aunt Jessica" when im not even their aunt! I CRY OVER THAT! Little stuff like that, is what made me happy the most. It is true when people say 'you never realize how much you have, untill you lose it' and on my last day at NP, i had so many peopl hug me, or tell me they loved me n their gonna miss me, or even the stubborn people like kenny, say bye. I cant do this n e more. I dont wanna be depressed. I dont wanna sit in my house thinking of what i could be doing if i was home, i dont wanna wake up every morning knowing im not going to get in trouble on the bus because Tom is gay, i dont wanna go to school when i know that when i get there I wont see Laura or Jessica or Devin talking to megan and cecily in the band room, about some weird subject like the spice girls. I dont think i can do this the rest of my highschool life. I am quitting going to church. I hate church. Its boring, it is a waste of my time, I have to get up early for an hour drive, None of my friends go n e more besides Jean, but you try spending every Sunday with 2 ppl in your youth, and i really dont like Joel...no...I hate Joel. I QUIT! One of my guy friends that i work with invited me to go to his church with him. I am. Its right outside of greencastle, there is youth there, and one of my really good friends goes there. Oh and its not full of old people. didi mention Ther is actually youth people there? So next Sunday is a start of a new church. I dont know how to tell Lesley. She is the only one i talk to that goes to our church. And i know if i tell Jean, she will give me hell. As usual. she does with anything. Its around 11:00 at night and im typing on a computer, when i could be falling asleep excited to go to NP. Me and Anni both hate cloverdale. I told her the next time we dont have school, and NP does, we are coming up and visiting all our friends. We made a promise that i will not let get broken. Im going to get off, try to go to sleep, wake up depressed probly, and go to my 'magnificent' school. (my computer just beeped and it scared the crap outta me)accually i think i will e-mail lesley, then try to go to bed. so i will try to write again later and tell you wether things get worse or better for me, if n e one cares. *smooches*Jessica*smooches* Current Mood: depressed Current Music: none (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, April 27th, 2006
6:59 pm	not one of my famouse poems, but its decent. You choose friend, or enemy A whisper in my ear, A chill down my back, O please don’t look, You might see me crack. You’re always there for me, When I am in need. Especially when, The jellyfish wont plead. I sit in the corner, You come to comfort me, Even though I’m only hiding, From a spider I flicked off my knee. I fell off the tree, You carried me to the doctor. You apologized the way, For pushing me you say. (Accidentally) You gave me your seat, When I had nowhere to sit. But you told me not, The mess I soon sought. I forgot my lunch money, You said you’d share. I guess I loved the carrots, Or should I say carrot. You came to my sleep over, And had a good time. I knew I should’ve done it, Hide all shaving cream. What a friend you are, To do this to me. But I’d rather be your friend, Than be your enemy. Current Mood: awake Current Music: my sister complaining (Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 12th, 2006
2:01 pm	I havnt written in a wile, i think i spelled wile wrong. is it wile or while? Who knows? Today i stayed at home with a cold....sore throat, stuffy nose, head ache, and watery eyes. I have been like this for like 2 weeks now, but it was the worst this morning. Its crazy. i bet im home sick. *sigh* Right now i would be in art, i love art. We are drawing self portraits, where you look in the mirror and draw wha you see, mine accually looks somewhat like me. Its crazy. I think i made my nose a little to big but the eye brows are awesome! lol....cuz there are none to draw. lol...no really. This past Sunday me, Garrett, Krystal, and Rob (sisters boyfriend) went on a double date. It was my first "true" date. WE went to Steak and shake, and then to bogies and played minuerature golf. Garrett payed for my dinner and Rob payed for everything else...like our interesting game of golf. Rob got a 32, i got a 36, krystal got around 50, and Garrett got like 84....He sux...lol. He got a par 16 on one of the holes, and he cheeted in the process...it was rather funny. the hole was on top of this hill and gattett couldnt get the bal to stop on the hill so he used his foot to do so. CHEETERS NEVER WIN AND WINNERS NEVER CHEET! lol...im so lame. i know i spelled cheAt wrongall well i dont fell like fixing it, its too far away now. last week i was really depressed and realy hateful....but not pms'ing. It was crazy! like i would yell at Garrett bout everything. Like my sister didn't do her laundry and i would like yell at him, and he would just sit there and take it. and then i started yelling because of something that happend that i cant say, because i promised i wouldnt say n e thing about it...and most the peopl who read my journal know him. (not Garrett), and he just sits there. and i wasnt like talking loud, i was like literally yelling, and i was being really mean to him...he's the only person im really around except a few handfull of people at school, but im around him the most and he just seems to be on the phone or at school when i get mad. i was getting so mean that he asked to come over and i told him i didnt want to be arond him. but like, i felt really bad. and i apologized, and he wasnt mad at me or n e thing. he told me he understands and what not. but still, i dont think i cant forgive myself. He treats me so well and i go and take my anger out on him. And thats exactly ity it. I dont think its deression, i think its anger. Those of you who know me, i dont really get mad. I get pissed of on occasion, but never mad. and i have been so mad last week. AT STUPID STUFF! Im turning into my dad. Im getting to where when i get mad i slam my fist into things. Monday i couldnt get my car keys out of the ignition, and i took my fist and pounded it in to my keys that were still in my ignition. And it still sore today...and its wednesday. and yesterday Garrett was rubbing my leg, like around my knee, cuz i had a whole in my jeans, and i kicked him. He was like "GOD! SORRY!" but see, i have been so mean. My sister has a tumor, and has to have surgery to get it taken out. My mom promised to get me a dotors appointment like 2 months ago and still hasnt done it. I cant sleep at night, when i go to bed, im wide awake. and then when i do fall asleep, i wake up at 3 and im wide awake again. everynight. Its the same everynight. grrr. I told asked my manager at KFC if they really torture thier chickens, and she said no, that they get these ani-meat, vegitarian people lieing about it, to get people to stop eating meat. Its not KFC in general, its he meat. I dont know if its true or not, if they do do it then KFC is very cruel, if not, vegitarians are cruel! again...grrr. I think im done writing for today....your probly tired of reading this "depressing" entry, but hey, no one told you to read it. besides my dad is going to be waking up soon, and i dont want him to get mad at me for writing on the computer when im sick. So i will write more this week. L8er *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: sick Current Music: none (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 12th, 2006
6:21 pm	I cant believe Im still alive..... Okay, well, ummm, how do i start this out? okay i got it. Garrett came with us bowling today with the church right? and then we got done at like 2 and after we got back to the church Garrett just came to my house afterwards. So we were talking, in my room, alone, and like outta no where he starts to give me a hicky. Do you know how sensitive my skin is? well it is. VERY. He gave me a hicky for like 4 seconds cuz i pulled away and was like "no! not where my parents will beable to see it" and i look in the mirror it was like completly black!! I tried to cover it up with My makeup and you could see straight throungh it, so i started to panic. and Garrett was like just cover your hair over it (which by the way i died it black) so i was like good idea, which it did work, so i took garrett home and i got home, but forgot about the hicky and i walked right through the door and my mom saw it and flipped out! OMG I dont think i have ever heard my mom say so many cuss words in a sentence. my dad was working dayshift so he wasnt home to see it, so my mom told me to try some of her makeup cuz she didnt want my dad to find out. so i was able to fade it alot, you can see it, but barley. I cannot believ my mom didnt kill me. She is so mad at me though. And i was like dont be mad, its not liek you never got one, and she was like "yeah but i was 18" and i was like "well im pretty much 17" and she kinda looked at me and was like mmhmm, and walked off, which i think made her realize "my daughter is growing up" cuz after that, she wasnt AS mad. My mom told me she is going to give Garrett a little talk about this, and of coarse wen Garrett called i told him, and he is scared to come over to get yelled at by a former martial arts teaher about her daughter, whose husband is an ex marine/ROTC officer. So i think i will pray for Garrett very hard, everynight....omg. *gasp* my mom told me that me n Garrett arnt allowed in my room n e more, and i seriously didnt want to spend my evnings with (when Garrett comes over) my parents and garrett, we dont even get to see each other any ways. cept passing periods, we only have one class together. grrrr. So i lied. I told her it was when i dropped him off. and she was like "well if you arnt gonna grow up, i will start picking him up/dropping him off" and i was like "noooooo" (making it sound like the worst thing ever) and i was like it wont hapen again, and she was like "yeah i know, especially when im done talking to garrett" and im thinking poor garrett. and then my dad walks in so that conversation was over with....of coarse. Well i think im gonna go get in the shower, i do need to bathe. So i will wright more after my mom had he little talk with Garrett, which i know will be sometime this week. *sigh* *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: nervous Current Music: Poor Garrett (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
6:24 pm	hmmmm, i cant think of a good title Well i had a boring week, i guess. Me and Garrett have been going out a month Sunday and a month and 2 days today. He is such an awesome guy, he always tells me how pretty I am, and how he thinks about me all the time, and like how he thinks he is in love with me, and how he would do anything for me even if it means death...and you know the sweet stuff guys can say. But when he gets hyper, he can get very annoying. He might get hyper like every other week or so, AND IT DRIVES ME CRAZY! And then i tell him "Garrett your getting annoying...grow up" Im so rude bout it...im horrible. But he gets the hint...even though thats not hinting thats just being striaght forward. lol. And he figets alot, he like snaps his fingers or clicks a pen or spins his paper on his desk < THAT IS SUPER ANNOYING! Have you ever sat there and watched someone spin their paper on there desk? UGH! but under all of that, he is AWESOME! I like him, alot. More than i have ever liked anyone. But its not the 'like' that normal people have...its like "LIKE" i dunno how to explain it. I dont wanna say it is love, because i dont know if i know for sure what love is. Yes i do admit that when we get off the phone (or just every 5mins on the phone) We say our goodbyes and 'i love you' is always said. I could picture him in my future. He jokes and acts stupid (like most guys) and is sweet and treats me the way i would expect to be treated. OH YEAH! There is one thing that i would consider extremly rude from him...i told him he should hold doors open for me and what not, cuz he normally just ran through the door, so that was when i said "HEY! you need to hold the door open for me" but i dont think he got it. Like he runs in and holds the door open for me from the inside...lol. And i havnt said anything, i figure it isnt that big of a deal. but still. Well ebough bout Garrett for one night. We got new scuduals today for our 3rd trimester. I have atleast one friend i made in each class, which was a relief...and Garrett is only in one of my classes *sigh* OOOPS i started talking bout *you know who* again....my bad...i just think bout him all the time....GRRRRR! IM DOING IT AGAIN! well I cant wait for my birthday! my dad is gonna take me SKYDIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im am so excited, im gonna be so scared! but i will not let myself backdown, thats how bad i wanna do it. WOO! im gonna get my mom to tape me doing it, and then i can show all my friends. My foot fell asleep...lol.i really am laughin out loud. Does any one really laugh out loud or do they just put lol and dont laugh because no one is around so its just not worth lauing cuz, wel, 1. your lazy or 2.You dont want your parents to think your weird cuz your randomly laughing in the next room over. I will admit that i dont laugh out loud when i put lol, i might smile out loud, which i think i will star using. sol....YES! cuz alot of the time i am just smiling....NO laughing. I hope you understand all that, and sorry for all the misspells and grammer mess ups, i really dont feel like going back and fixing them.....do i ever? Well i think i will go eat a weiner (hotdog...lol) so i will hopefully talk to some of yall soon! *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: thankful Current Music: Futher Seems Forever (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 18th, 2006
10:06 am	ugh...men Well it has been 3 weeks and 2 days since Garrett have been going out...I must say it has been rather awesome. He came over last saturday, and we were talking bout are medical past, and he had open heart sergery. He has this hugemungous scar on his chest (it is so sexy) and he as 2 othe little scars on each side of the hugemongous scar...again it is so sexy...gasp... I have quit an interesting story of what happend thursday...We were talking on the phone and there was a silence for about 30 secs and Garrett was like..."i guess im boring you since your not talking, so i guess i will let you go" and i was like "okay...buy" (yeah, we were joking) so i hit one of the buttons to make it sound like i was hanging up the phone...and phone and he was like "jessica.....hello?...i know your therer..." and like all the sudden he calle me a bitch, but sounded so hatful. So then i hung up on him. But like earlier on the phone he was grumpy...and I kept telling him "dude your grumpy, chill out" and I guess he was ignoring me. So after i hung up on him he called back like a million times but i didnt answere. So he texed messaged me saying it slipped out, and i wast thinking 'so was he thinking that i was a bitch' so i texed messaged him backing but i told him 'screw you' and bout 15 minutes later my phone rings and it was him, so when i found out it wa shim i hung up. then it rang again but it was his friend david. david had called garrett and garrett told him what had happend and david was like 'garrett just dosnt think sometimes, you should give him another chance' and we talked for a while about how Garrett does stupid things sometimes without thinking and how he gets annoying and how he gets VERY OFFENSIVE with other ppl. apperently one time david and garrett were playing video games and david beat garrett, and garrett got super mad and hit david very hard. and david hit him back of coarse. but see garrett gets offensive. I hate it sometimes, cuz when ppl joke with him, like lightly pushes him, he turns around and shoves them...then i yell at him and then he apologizes...same old stuff. but any who when i called garrett back to talk to him, he was crying, he thought i was gonna break up with him. he was like "i dont wanna loose you,i love you. blah blah blah" and i was like 'awwwwww! I HATE YOU!!!' no im kiding i didnt say that...lol. i was like 'well you have been a grouch all day and i dont wanna talk to you if your gonna be hateful about everything' so we eventually worked it out. and he was telling me that like every time something good happens in his life, that it always goes bod. He was saying like he would get girlfriends that he wouls really like and they would cheat on him, or like his folks got divorced and both step parentts he dosnt care to much for...there is alot more but i dont want to tell everyone his personal life... i do have to go, i have to clean the house...so i will wtght more tonight or tomorrow. *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2006
7:20 pm	O sweet, sweet Garrett Well as Jessica knows and Laura knows, about the guy i would catch looking at me in Biology.....yes we are officially going out. He asked me out at lunch on Thursday January 26, 2006. Dont ask for the time, i wouldnt know. There are no working clocks in the school building. So it has been 5 days. and what fun 5 days it has been. He called me sunday after i got home from the D2S prgram, and we talked for 20 mins and i had to go because every one in my family was bugging me because i was talking on the phone with Garrett instead of them. so i got of then i called him back and we talked for 13 minutes and i had to go feed my dog...yeah what fun we had playing phone tag. So he called me back and we talked for 2 hrs and 6 mins. lol, i know the exact time. well technically he acidently hung up n me and he called back, but i told him i need to spend time with my mom, and he was like "NOOOO!" literally, he was like "right now? I dont want you to go now we were only talking for like 2 hrs." and i was like i havnt seen my mom all weekend and he was like "i havnt seen you all weekend" and i was like i will get to see all day tomorrow though and he was like "okay, your just so sexy i cant get enough of you" lol. and then we said our good byes. Not that you were interested in my phone conversation. This kid is so obsesed with 4Wheelers and cars. Im serious! its crazy. The school building is so cold... my hands are always freezing, so everytime me and Garrett are holding hands he ask's me 'are you cold"of coarse im like no im hot...sarcastic me. Im lucky he loves my sarcasmi, if he didnt i bet he would've broken up with by now....dontcha think? OH MAN! This other guy named Paul likes me (no im not a man magnet at this school, Paul is not very....well he isnt a bryan Reagan, but he is almost there just not quiet) So Dont get all like "jeez Jessica Just Brag about it" no no no , im not one of those "in your face tpe people". anyways the day Garrett asked me out was the day Paul told Garrett that he liked me. And when we were holding hands (me and Garrett) Paul's face got beat red and was like "Garrett, r u guys going out" and he was like "yeah" and then Paul was like "We need to talk later" and then stormed off...crazy? I THINK SO! lol. well all in all he shouldnt only get mad at Garrett cuz i do like him too. ugh. Garrett is trying so hard to get me to go to a dance with him. I hate dances. noticed how i never go to dances? I only went to the valentines day dance, because i thought it wa smy last year there. And i want to see all my friends at school, with out being "in school" get it? yeah. He has tried all he has to get me to go. I told him i would go pick him up (he dosnt have his licens yet) and we could hag out at my place, or we could go see a movie. he was like ok, but still would rather go to a dance. Im such a bad girlfriend...accually I told him that today, i was like 'im horrible, i wont go to a dance with you,' and he was like 'no your perfect" which was kind of a relief...so he still likes me...lol. he is accually obsessed. Im guessing he has had a good handful of girlfriends, from what i have heard, and im his favorite. YES! He keeps telling me im different from any one he has ever met, but he cant figure out how. and he likes my 'different-ness' which i dont even think that thats a word....lol. Garrett is a nerd. I LOVE IT! I have always wanted to date a nerd. but not just any nerd, oh no no no! i cool nerd! and thats Garrett. O sweet, sweet Garrett! He isnt like Billy Shere. lol. no not at all, but he is really smart, obviously since he is going out with me. lol. Im sure you are quiet tired of hearing bout Garrett, so im going to go write bout him in my blog on my space...lol, yeah i like to brag. *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: happy Current Music: none! IM SHOCKED! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
5:34 pm	What a Prick! Well the other day (yesterday) my dad was trying to hug and kiss my mom while she was falling asleep on the couch, and my mom was like stoppit. And my dad got all pissed. So today while i was at school, My mom and dad "got into it" HA! What a surprise...a fight? that would never happen... So my mother got in her car to leave...thats what i got when i came home, so i went job hunting, and came home to find my father had left for work and my mom was back at home. So i asked mom what had happend and she said he got mad at her because... 1.)She didnt get him a good enough christmas preasent...WHAT A PRICK! He had always told us, ,it isnt the what it is or isnt, its the thought. My mom had got him a Waffle Iron...(what he did ask for) some Dvds, and a few little other things. And apparently he wasnt happy with what he got. Mom said they told each other not to get each other n e thing because they needed to wach money this year. and supposedly my dad had said to go ahead a just get each other whatever. Well where my dad wasnt satisfied, he felt that he isnt getting the love back that he is giving to her, and is asking for a divorce. Now Hubbard/kelsey mitchelle, tell me, how many times have my parents said that to each other, and ow many times has my mom said that "she really is thinging bout getting one" i dont see it happening. To be perfectly honest, i think my mom is afraid of being alone. I dont blame her, who isnt afraid of being alone. Every one is. Dont tell me or yourself your not because you are. I fell bad for her...but she the one who stays with him. I dont understand y my father figure is being so hatfull about christmas gifts. I mean i got a sewing machine (I dont want a sewing machine) and clothes. thats it (from folks) and i got like 3 tops ad a pair of boxers. did i complain....no, i said thank you, and left it at that. I was happy. I may not have gotten n e thing that i had put on my christmas list for them....literally, i got nothing i asked for from them...besides batman boxers...OH AND A BATMAN! but still. He sat there and got my mom so many gifts she was like opening them up forever still after we were done. You know in ways i understand in a way (dads side) because you would have thought she would have seen the bazillion of gifts she had wrapped for her under the tree, that mom would have ot him a couple more things, but honestly...isnt christmas bout family, and Jesus and wat not. Why would hae even bring it up like a month later n e ways...*sigh* 2.)She didnt cook dinner right when he got up. Mom figured that since we JUST HAD OUR THANKSGIVING DINNER that we could eat left overs, since we have alot of em. not only do we have Thanksgiving dinner in there but we have left overs from the previous days. So my mom was jusst trying to save a lil money, and eat what we already have. I understand wanting to have a nice fresh homecooked meal, but you know, its dosnt do any harm to have left overs, when you have letf over galore sittin in your fridge. Im so depressed right now. It depresses me knowing my dad hurt my moms feelings. My mom is, well you know my mom. What stronger force is there when t comes to a mother daughter bond? I love my dad, and i love my mom. I just dont think that they cant go without a week without fighting or arguing. (they argue alot, i just dont rite bout it) So is it really worth having a constant headache over the same issue? Sometimes you love someone but you just cant live with em', for instance my dad. He has gotten very violent...TWICE...He is so darn verbally abusive...like he tells my sister that she isnt going to find a guy if she dosnt start trying to loose weight in her bum. HOW RUDE! Not all guys judge by apperance, it may be hard to find one that isnt, but they are out there. And just because she didnt get married right after high school 9like they did) dosnt mean there isnt some one out there for her. It has gotten her self esteem so low, i dont think she has enough to even go talk to a guy. Its horrible. She was telling me the other day how ugly she was and how she is going to grow up and be alone and have no husband or boyfriend, and how no one is ever going to beable to hold her the way she wants to be held, because she isnt good enough. I keep telling her there is a guy out there for you you just need to look a lil harder, and she was like who would want a girl like me, im so fat, and i have a freaking huge bum....and i keep telling her she isnt fat...which she isnt, she realy isnt, she just needs to go walking or something to tone her bottom half a lil, but other thatn that, she is perfect. I honestly think my pops has a great deal of her self esteem being down that low. that and the fact every guy she likes turns out to only like her as a sister. ugh! I WISH I KNOW WHAT TO DO! I wish i could give my mom advice that will help her make the decision she needs to hear, but i cant. What if she does divorce him and she gets mad at herself, and she gets depressed, and cries, and lays around and ont get out. I cant see my mom unhappy. But then again she could get a divorce and fell better, have a weight lifted off her shoulders, and goes out more with friends, and gets happier because she isnt being yelled at all the time. I dont want to tell her to stay with him but i dont want to tell her to divorce him. I just want her to be happy. Is that all i can ask for!? Why does love have to be so darn hard!? Well im going to go...I guess i will go do my homework...ugh. *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: worried Current Music: nothing...OMG! (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, January 6th, 2006
4:57 pm	Im Not Suicidal For Those Who Didn't Know I hate Cloverdale. The people there SUCK, there is nothing there but preps. I went there with an open mind, excited to meet new people, you know the feeling like you could just conquer the world, well my world was crushed. The first day i didnt talk much, i mean im near new and strange people, that i have never seen before in my life, i got lost in between each class, and to top it all off all the peopl there were not worthy enough for me to talk to. There are no originals. There is no Kyle Moralf, Dustin King, Kelsey Mitchel, Meagan Murphey, or even a lindsay burger. There were a freeking crap load of Ashley Brownings/Sammy Gardners. But honestly, they all looked the same, you know the pretty hair, long FAKE fingernails, tan, super skinny, and had that 'wanna kill' shaking-butt walk...UGH! I have made total of 0, yes ZERO!!!! Friends. I have talked to people, not people that i would wanna be "best friends" with yet. I dont wanna be here. (Im not suicidal for those who didnt know) There is this one girl, her name is jessica too, bt she asked me to sit with her at lunch, and she seemed really kewl, but one of her friends, i wanted to kill her, she was so flippin annoying. She is like a Loren McGuir, If you dont know who that is...ask Laura. I have been depressed all week,, and my mom is the only one who notices. She is like 'What is wrong with you this week jessica' of coarse i tell her nothing, though she knows I was lying. I cant sleep, i cant eat, i feel sick alot, NONE of my friends has called me to see how i was doing. well matt. but i didnt hear my phone. So that kinda tops it all off. ( i know every one has my cell number) well im going to go No Smooches Today Current Mood: depressed (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 31st, 2005
4:01 pm	Dedication to meAgan Murphey The morning rain is a cow on the rainbow under my bed, He is in love with guacamole but the tree grows in the planet. YES! You ask me to answere the call, to whom are you calling...not me...not me at all, So i cry at night when i find there is no more jelly. Oh sweet sweet jelly, or shall i say moldy. the stripes on your hair, where oh where do i ask, do i dare? So this is my poem, dont try to hide...I'll find you, Your there, there, way over yonder is my grandmas hair. but the mule, oh yes the mule, he see's no harm. He too runs on the farm. RUN MULE RUN! So if you ask me...yes do dare. I am but not wearing underwear. (i am really) for i too cut you and i bleed, or is it 'if you cut me i too bleed' all in al i cut you and i bleed. RED RED red blood, is that not what i see? NO! It is my Spaghetti. mmmmm, speghetti MMMMMM! IM GONNA MISS YOU MEAGAN! Especially writing my poems to you. THE ONLY ONE WHO UNDERSTANDS! (no matt, you and your smarty smart poetic brain will never understand it...lol. no really.) I will also remeber your buety, coming through the hallways as the hot gos from freshmans mouth blow right through your hiar, making you as you were a modle...lol. So megan, i didnt really mention you, because really, i didnt want n e one to get jelous of you n not be your friend n e more, cuz i dont want you to not have n e friends. I LOVE YOU! Now this whole page is dedicated to you. You are the only one i mention, cept Matt (we dont want him to be the mr. no-it-all-that-he-is...jk matt) But really meg, i will miss you. and i have to go because i have to pee so gosh darn bad...I LOVE YOU! Jessica (aka: jezikah or fernor j to the e to the sika...jesika, or jess, or hey look at that nerd, or jessie, or mom, or grandma or i gotta pee so GOODBYE MEAGAN!!!) Current Mood: MEAGAN? Current Music: What ever Meagans listing to (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
6:06 pm	There's No Cure For My Boredism IM SO BORED!!!!! B-O-R-E-D! BoReD! boReD! bOred! Can n e one tell? My car is broke down, our pone isnt working in our new house...well it does, but it has a high pitch ring in the part where you listen to ppl talk and we arnt allowed to use our cell phones unless its on nights n weeknds, i dont know n e one out here so that just sums it up. If i was at the old house, i could simply have McKayla and Sierra over, or i could go to Jess's or even Laura's. BUT NoOo... I spent like all day on the computer and in my room listing to cds. Mostly Anberlin and Falling Up. You know in a way im glad im bored, because i think alot, like i was remebering things in the past, like i went to get a piece of skittles gun and i dunped some in my hand, accually 6...EXACTLY 6. but it was very weird...3 were yellow skittles gum and 3 were the red!!! OMG!!!!! Well when i brought skittles gum on the bus, laura would get three red ones and i would get 3 yellow ones...no lie! So when i poored skittles gum in my hand (with 3 red n 3 yellow) i thought bout how me n laura always picked out the good colors and give the nasty ones to Kenny Quisenberry. Of coursa he was like GUM! but still...(although laura did like all skittle flavors...a lil, she still favored the red ones) Its the little stuff that makes me gonna miss Laura...well not just Laura...EVERYONE! Even Liz. Liz was cool to, alot of the times she would be talking and you know my "ADD" would kick in and i would totally think bout something else ignoring her...poor liz. Like onetime she was talking bout a quilt she made and i wa slike "blanket......Im kinda cold.....mmmm ICE CREAM SOUNDS GOOD.....I think im gonna steel a pencil from damons locker" but really on the outside im saying "yes, yes, and how does thaat make you feel" lol. In ways im excited to move to cloverdale...i really am. but i just dont think i can see myself being as happy at cloverdale as i was at North Putnam. There are just to cool of people there. Even Kyle Marwolf (i still cant spell his last name even though he was my best guy friend) it may sound bad to you but we used to joke bout how we would rape each other...LOL yes i know that is horrible! but i think i am gonna go, because, well im just not in a typing mood (no imnot depressed, im just not happy as you would normally find me) *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: blah Current Music: Phil of the Future Theme Song (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 23rd, 2005
2:44 pm	Wow, I Havn't Written In Forever Wow, i hvnt written in forever! well i just moved in my new house 2 days ago. Wednesday december 21, 2005 to be exact. I already miss my friends! Im so nervous bout moving to new school, even though at least one person for sure will like me. and to all that care "I promise that i wont be 'shy' to n e one" Any way, i moved alot of my stuff in yesterday and like all of my notebooks had "I heart Kenny" all over them. So i ripped out all the blank pages and put em in a binder, and threw the note book cover away. My parents are so glad to have me home, it seems though that they r glad im home because im another helping hand for work. thats all my dad seems to know how to do. POOR GUY! Kayla and Sierra are over they have been here since wednes day, the day i moved in. They are so 'bouncy' im so 'tired' kayla gets up like at 7:00 and its killing me, wile pulling lae nighters, and i cant sleep. normally i cant sleep, but i fall asleep before 11 last night and the nigh before it was like 1:30 ish. UGH! i think its cuz its a new and very unfamilliar place...like the appartments were the same. but like Jess's house and Crystal's house i was able to sleep just fine. Well i have to go im leaving soon to Go pick up Laura's christmas Present. Hopefully i will find some dartvader/starwars Pj bottoms. thats what i wanna get her, but the Plainfeild Wallmart didnt have em.....GASP! N E Way...L8er *SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES* Current Mood: tired Current Music: Ed, Edd, n Eddy theme song....right now exactly (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 20th, 2005
3:35 pm	ICYC 2005 I just got back from ICYC....and for those that dont know......i went to ICYC this past weekend...just FYI. Of coarse Sanctus Real was there, they were awesome in concert. I sang to every song except a new one they played. I was like jumping and screaming (the only one that was jumoping and screaming) Jess did a lil, but i had a blast. Then the lead singer came down and oput his arm around me wile singing his final song at the show. It was like a hug-arm around type deal-e-o and then he was touching everyones hand (beside me) then he put his arm around Jess. After the concert we got autugraphs and pictures. the pictures were on leslys digi cam and she is gonna send it to me through e-mail one of theses days...hopefully soon. I was like the only one who wasnt sleepy on the way home today.(from ICYC) I think our driver kris was sleepy, but stayed awake so she wouldnt fall asleep at the wheel and kill us. I LOVE YOU KRIS!!(im am directing it towards her even though i know she wont ever read it in a million years) but n e way...it was a blast. there was this hot guy at this resturaunt we ate at today. OH-EM-GE! I didnt think guys got that hot. I dont know if he was deaf or not though, because he was sitting with a bunch of deaf people n talking to em...in sign. WEll n e way im going to go so i can let Jennifer get back on the computer, i kinda kicked her off to type REALLY QUICK. so if ther is n e errors in typing...you know why. ***SMOOCHES*Jessica*SMOOCHES*** P.s. The fugt song was the first song they sang WOO! (do you really wanna cry over issues, wet tissues stick to my shoes...) Current Mood: hyper Current Music: Sanctus Real (Comment on this)
Monday, October 24th, 2005
9:57 pm	Jesus Loves YOU!! Well I went to the church up in greencastle, and the youth minister up there was the son of my aunts minister at her old church up in Richmond. It was so kewl! Im So bubbly! I was debatingon weather or not to go up to (the guywho i thought went to the church my aunt went to) this guy i though was a minister but i didnt know if i should because what if he wasnt then i would feel stupid. Right Matt? Any ways I wen to thw church tonight because there was a play, i went with matt and jenn. It was SO COOL! I loved it. and zach(the youth minister) was like one of the two guys who wrote it. it was so great. Like this family had gone through a harsh divorce and everyone hated their life except the mom who still had faith toward Jesus, and she stuck with him all througout the play, but the mom's son had commited sucide and the mom still stuck with Jesus...i mean like...her son commited suiced, her daughter was so upset about how her family was falling apart, the ex husband was a crazy drunk...and in the end like i said and i WILL say again she stuck with Jesus. It was so emotional...i wish you all could've seen it. I think im getting sick. My nose is stuffy (but was when we sang the song "breath") and my throat is begining to hurt, and i have a terrible migrane....which i dont know if it is a Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever Headache. For yall that didnt know...in 5th rade i had gotten deathly sick...and i had gotten a very bad head ache like to the point were i was crying, and i get them very so often, well like once a month....and i normally get them at the beginning at the month, and november is coning up and NOOOOOOO!!! im not tryin to make yall feel sorry for me, but if im grochy tomorrow....IM SORRY ITS MY HEAD!!! i think im going to go, so i will talk to you l8er homies!!! *smooches*Jessica*Smooches* Current Mood: bubbly Current Music: I was listing to 'Relient K' (Comment on this)
Monday, October 17th, 2005
7:01 pm	Okay, i know i keep putting lyrics in my live journal, but i really like these lyrics, there are some Mainstay lyrics i absolutly LOVEand i will share them too, but i wa salready at the Mae site.... "Sometimes I run, but I'm not afraid. Why must you bring up all the mistakes I've made? She makes me smile, but you come around. The wind in her hair reflects the sunset I see. You make it seem like yesterday. But we've come a long way out of the rain. Can't seem to figure out what happens after this. Why can't I? Why must you say I made a mess out of things? I won't believe it. Tonight feels right like I'm dancing on air. I'll make it right, I'll make it right. Pull over to the station and fill up on fuel. But will I do? Sometimes I drive or ride with my eyes closed tight because if the skyline looks this way then I don't want to sleep tonight. Never giving up, always seeking light, we must always try, try with all our might." Isn't it pretty? I love it....it so pretty...lol...IM felling SO energetic RIGHT now!!! Current Mood: energetic Current Music: Mae (Comment on this)
Friday, September 30th, 2005
7:14 pm	Amberlin Lyrics I these lyrics, its by AMBERLIN if you didnt read the entry name.... Live for today We'll dream tomorrow We've got big plans in sight We'll take this city and by nightfall... The bright lights are calling Everything is going our way Everything is just as we've planned This is our future (from what we've heard) And i've still got your hand And it feels like we could last forever And im not doing to do this alone When memories fade We've got each other When time and confusion collide Singin' I hold it all when I hold you When friends walk other ways We've got each other I hold it all when I hold I hold it all when I hold you We fell on hard times This isn't the ideal Miles from home Doing the best we can (Best that we can) I won't do this without you I won't do this without you so take heart 'Cause you know that you have mine And it feels like we could last forever And im not doing to do this alone When memories fade We've got each other When time and confusion collide Singin' I hold it all when I hold you When friends walk other ways We've got each other I hold it all when I hold I hold it all when I hold It's not about the money we make It's about the passions that we ache for What makes your heart beat faster Tell me now what does your body long after I don't care now where we live It's not where, or what, or who we were with I just need you in my life So promise me again... When memories fade We've got each other When time and confusion collide Singin' I hold it all when I hold you When friends walk other ways We've got each other I hold it all when I hold I hold it all when I hold You I love it, it is so great(in my oppion, dose your count...NO, Im kidding....silly... Current Mood: impressed Current Music: Amberlin (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 25th, 2005
1:52 pm	OMG! I like didnt wright at all this past week. Well i have alot to say so this is going to be a really long entry. okay 1...Last weekend i went to a concert, right? It Was AWESOME! I met the band members of all the bands there. They were all very nice. I have to say that 'Mainstay' was the best. I know i was going for 'Falling up', but man...i really liked 'Mainstay'. They were awesome. The bad members were very nice and funny. One of the Guitarist put smilely faces on each of my fingertips w/permanent marker, and they all autographed my sample cd i had bought, seeing as how they dont have a full length cd out....yet. I met 'John Rueben' before at ICYC and he was nice just like before. And 'Falling up' They had a bunch of people getting autographs, so they kinda had to make it short and choopy, so i siad "hi, great show, stay awesome" to all of em as they autographed my t-shirt i got at their concert, and they were like "thanks alot, im glad you enjoyed it" They were awesome during their concert. The lead singer did a flip on stage, and one of the guitarist did a flip off a speaker...it was tight, but they were very friendly like everyone else...of coarse. Then i met 'the Wedding' band members, and they were funny. They had one of their friends go around acting like a dinosaure (why? i dunno)it was funny though, just some imature fun. So after the concert we all left, and went back to the church. But like i said i like mainstay the best at the concert. now 2...I got a car yesterday. It isn't the best car in the world, but it works. It is a dark green, and the owner before it was a druggy. He got caught with drugs so his car and everything else was taken from him (cuz of coarse he is in jail) so im guessing that he put his pot or marjuanna(sp?) out on the seat, cuz there is a burn whole on it, and in the back it has like spille dpop on the seat or something, so im getting seat covers for the front seats and the back seat a blanket is going over the seat. so it will look fine after the seats are coverd. im not getting insurance on it till i move in my house in cloverdale, so we get home owners insurance. Im gioing to the ortho. tomorrow, so i aint gonna be at school(my pops is gonna let me skip rest of they day)well im going to go ill make an attempt to write this week??? so L8er *smooches*Jessica*Smooches* P.s. Relient K has a new song called "Apathetic Way To Be" it is really kewl, i love it, it talks about how we can get really apathetic(lazy for yall who didnt know that) and not care bout life and we shouldnt do that...If you wanna hear it go to www.purevolume.com/relientk <<<its worth it im telling ya Current Mood: happy Current Music: Sanctus Real (2 Comments |Comment on this)